Cheesy Tips
by drapetomaniac
Summary: "Grif, what the fuck is this?" Simmons stretched out his hand in between the both of them. "It's a promise ring," Grif said, slightly disappointed with his partners reaction. "Grif, it's a fucking cheese ring." Rated T for swearing. Grimmons if you squint.


Pairing: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons

Length: One-shot

A/N: I basically just vomited this idea out into words and typed it all up within two hours. It will be utter tosh, and there will be mistakes and typos. Also extreme OoC because school started and I haven't watched Red vs Blue in AGES.

Summary: "Grif, what the fuck is this?" Simmons stretched out his hand in between the both of them. "It's a promise ring," Grif said, slightly disappointed with his partners reaction. "Grif, it's a fucking cheese ring."

* * *

"Whatever nerd," Grif scoffed as he grabbed another packet from the cupboard.

It was the early morning at the outpost. The weather had begun to increase; neither the reds nor blues had any intentions of leaving their air-con-providing bases. Sarge, who disliked lying around, suited up in his armour and decided to get jobs done around the base. Perhaps, he would do something about Simmons and Grif having to share rooms in the base… Simmons could only hope, but he highly doubted the possibility. Donut, who mostly spent his time indoors, was nowhere in sight. His fellow team mates had no plans on asking.

"You're always calling me a nerd for the simple fact that I paid attention in my classes!" Simmons exclaimed. Both he and Grif were seated at the kitchen table in their civilian clothes. Simmons was nearly finished with his breakfast while Grif had only woken up a few minutes ago.

"Also, for the fact that you're still a virgin at this age," Grif added as he tore open one of his many packets of junk food.

"Oh, yeah? Well, how did _you_ get girls, Grif?" Simmons challenged. He didn't admit to being slightly curious. _Not with whom he flirted with, of course, but how he flirted,_ he convinced himself.

"Huh? Why, you want some tips? Are you sick of being a virgin?" Grif grinned. "It's a pity that you won't see any girls for years; at least girls who won't kick your ass, or your balls." Grif paused, "but then again, is it _really_ a pity?"

Simmons grunted in annoyance.

"Tips?"

"Okay, but let's not get cheesy."

Grif gave a twisted expression. Simmons saying something cheesy would not even be remotely entertaining. It may truly be the creepiest thing that ever crossed his mind. Then again, so was the thought of Simmons being in any sort of intimate relationship with any female, or even, anyone at all. Grif didn't mean that Simmons deserved to be alone, fuck no! Simmons was a great guy; he just struggled to even bear the thought of him having any other interests than the current job he's been assigned to.

Simmons wasn't rushing for an answer, so Grif took his time to think. There was a possibility of Simmons meeting someone he was interested in, but where would that leave himself? He hated to admit it, but the maroon-soldier was the only one in his team that was still mentally _sane_.

"Hm, maybe not. Maybe you shouldn't get intimate with anyone; I don't think flirtatious words fit with your personality." Grif decided, "seriously dude, maybe you were just brought to this world to be just you; possibly stuck in this hell hole with me, never to meet your soul mate." Grif stated.

"Grif… That's really disheartening," Simmons paused and soaked in his words, "and I think you just insulted me." Simmons stood up with his plate that only carried leftover crumbs. He walked over to wash the dish in the sink.

Grif thought about what he just said. "Look, I don't know what I'm on about, but there's no way in hell that I will even let the slightest possibility of you eloping with some freak you find in the forest and leaving me here alone. It'll cause an imbalance." Grif reasoned, knowing that every word he had said was a load of bull-crap. "So you can't leave me, okay?"

Simmons rolled his eyes. He didn't know what the hell was going on in the orange-soldier's head. He dried his hands on the towel and turned around only to be found face-to-face with the one and only. He froze as Grif held his hand and slipped something around his ring-finger. The strange, circular-shape caused the gaps between his fingers to widen. "Grif, what the fuck is this?" Simmons brought up his arm and stretched out his hand in between the both of them.

"It's a promise ring," Grif said, slightly disappointed with his partner's reaction. "You have to promise not to leave me alone for another girl. Otherwise, no one will do my duties and I'll just be stuck in this dump where Sarge will surely kill me."

Simmons sighed. Grif was a lazy, smart, fat-ass, but this was simply ridiculous. "Grif, it's a fucking cheese ring."

Grif shrugged. "One thing may lead to another, Simmons. If I teach you how to flirt, you'll learn how to get a girl or guy. And as far as I know, I'm a great flirt and an even better teacher; there'll be no doubt you'll learn and abandon me here by myself with pretty-in-pink and that stupid excuse of a sergeant."

Simmons couldn't help to laugh out loud. He pulled the cheese ring off that was melting from the heat and placed it in his palm. He noticed the remainders of cheese crumbs that stuck onto the fingertips of his index finger and thumb.

"Hey, now you've got some cheesy tips," Grif grinned and gestured towards his fingers before he turned to leave the room with his packet of cheesy treats.

Simmons shook his head at the lame comment made by his comrade. "God, damn it Grif," he muttered. With one swift movement, he plopped the ring in his mouth and chewed.

It tasted awful.


End file.
